71: Building a Business Without Carrying the Whole Mental Load

Mary Gunther spent years building her career before becoming a business owner—and motherhood changed what she wanted from work.

After having children, Mary realized she needed more control over her time. That led her to build The Social G, a marketing agency designed around the life she wanted rather than a traditional 9-to-5 structure. Today, her husband is a stay-at-home dad and primary caregiver while Mary works full-time growing their business.

But creating that arrangement required Mary to let go of something she didn't realize she was carrying: control.

Her therapist helped her recognize that her husband wasn't going to parent or manage the household exactly the way she would. Learning to let him find his own way helped reduce her mental load and made their new family dynamic work.

In this episode of Women and Work, Mary shares how she built a business around her family's needs, learned to delegate, navigated the transition to becoming the primary working parent, and discovered why letting go can sometimes be the key to doing more.

What part of the mental load do you think women have the hardest time letting go of?

Struggling to find the right child care? Get a video interview of your ideal nanny at https://www.momsub.com/child-care-options

#WomenAndWork #WorkingMoms #Entrepreneurship #MentalLoad #WomenInBusiness

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

My husband and I go have a great awesome marriage counselor. We see her once a month for just like maintenance. Because like this was also a big transition, and those things are real about like gender roles and what like what women are good at versus what men are good at. And like let me tell you, I've had to like our therapist, her name's Rhea. She, you know, she told me she's like, you're gonna have to let stuff go. Like, he's not gonna do it the way you're gonna do it, especially like now swapping fully. He's not, he might not do the dishes the way you like, he might not do everything is not gonna be how you would, but you're gonna have to let that go and let him find his own way in this. So, and as far as the mental load goes, I've tried to just like obtain peace around the fact that like I women are just better at it. Women can multitask, men are very like focused on one thing at a time.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Welcome to Women in Work, the show where we take an inside look at how women are overcoming our own unique challenges as we grow our careers or build a business while nurturing relationships and family. I'm Diane Mocha, founder and CEO of MomSub, the app that connects you to a substitute mom. And I want you to know that work can fit your life. Each week we meet a woman who has done that. And today I'm with Mary Gunther. She is the founder of the Social G Company, a marketing agency that empowers women founders and others by helping them improve their digital presence while balancing family and the rest of their life. She's a mom of two herself and spent 15 years working for other companies before launching her own business. Thanks for being here, Mary.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Thanks for having me, Diane. I'm excited to be here.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

All right. Well, I took a little peek at your LinkedIn, and I see you started as an executive administrative assistant in your career. That's a common entry-level position for women. You spent four years in that first job at a supply house. And then when you moved to a TV station, you were still in an admin role and kind of continued that sort of work when you became a program coordinator, office manager, HR director at other organizations. And then six years ago, it looks like you moved into the marketing field. And I wonder if you felt a little bit of a glass ceiling or that you were pigeonholed into admin type roles because you're a woman. And so I want to start out by asking you what you think was the biggest challenge in your career, specifically because you are a woman.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Wow, that's a big question for the first question, Diane. But yeah, um, I so yeah, I mean, I started working back, I graduated college in 2004. So very different time. So yeah, you're spot on uh the roles that I landed in out of college were very much just entry-level admin, um, worked my way up quickly to executive admin. And I will say um that was, I have no regrets about, you know, working in those roles because I was very close to leadership my entire career. And executive assistants see things that many people do not get to see. But I will say that the first job I had out of college was at a plumbing wholesaler. So that was the supply house. So totally male-dominated. I was one of few women. So I did know pretty pretty quick out of the gate, I had to really make an effort to get to know the other women there because there were so few of them and we kind of had a little stick together mentality. Um, but yeah, I mean, I've always been the type of person that I just want my work to speak for itself and the excellence that I kind of bring to the roles I am in, no matter if they're, you know, an entry-level role or higher. So throughout my career, I just, you know, tried to stay focused on what I was doing. So that being said, you know, do I have stories to tell from the past 20 years about being in a male-dominated field and working at different places and not getting certain roles because of politics and societal things? Sure. Um, but that's also why I own my own business now. So I do think I kind of got sick of the I couldn't get where I wanted to be in some of the roles.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

What was one particular thing that stood out where you were like, this is clearly um I'm being blocked because I'm a woman, or I'm not being taken seriously, or I'm I I realize I'm I'm not gonna get here or it's gonna take me longer. Was there some some light bulb that went on, or some excuse me, repeated you know, scenario that you felt was because you were a woman?

SPEAKER_00 5:04

I think it was during the time after I had achieved a master's degree. So I, you know, along working in my career, I decided to get a master's degree in organizational development HR. I was Sherm SCP certified, so I had like top credentials. And I was sat, I remember sitting one day and thinking, like, I wanted a more of a leadership role, and I had communicated that, and I was just still very much stuck in this like process, invoices and things that were just I, you know, again, it's fine work, and but I was just ready for something more and different, and I also knew I was qualified to do something bigger and lead and get into leadership, and I very much felt at that time that like that was never gonna happen where I was, and I do think whether it was because I was just not in that the guys club, or I was, you know, I was in this like admin role where it was very like you're gonna clean up after the the board and you're gonna get breakfast for this meeting, and I did a lot of years in that, and I so this is later, so I'm still in doing this, and I will say, like, I do in like I am Italian, I like taking care of people, I like hospitality. I don't even I honestly enjoy taking care of others, so it wasn't like I was like, I didn't, I was begrudging it, I just more was ready for something more in my career. So I just remember sitting there thinking, like, it's this, I gotta, I gotta leave. I gotta, I gotta do something different because I'm not gonna be able to do it here. So I just I made my next move, and I actually the next move was to work for a woman leader, uh woman CEO. So that was then a different experience. And I will say I grew more in that role than in previous roles.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

That is wonderful to hear. That's a great tip if you're feeling stuck, you know, and it's not always the answer working for a woman. Sometimes, you know, we hear stories where it becomes competitive and et cetera, but sometimes you can find a really great mentor. And it's funny that you said, I'm Italian, you know, I love to be nurturing. I'm 100% Italian heritage. And I had a boyfriend once that whenever his friends would come over and watch the game, and I liked football, but I'd be the one getting their beers and and you know, getting more pizza, and he'd be like, Why don't you sit? You enjoy this too. You don't have to do that. I like to do it. So I can I can see that point of I'll get breakfast. I don't mind picking up the bagels on the way in. But here you were, the director of HR. You know, that's something that you should have delegated. So you could have spent that extra 15 minutes preparing your presentation or get, you know, not being stressed to get the kids to school or whatever it is, you know. When you get to that level and you're a man, you just assume someone else will do it. And when you're a woman, you take it on. And like you said, it's wonderful if you enjoy it, but at a certain point you realize I have more to give. And you recognize that old boys' club that is still around, you know. I hear from women today, maybe not as much so, but you still want to be aware of that. And so it's great that you went into this other um place and you found more support and role modeling and guidance. And what made you decide when you were in a good place working for a woman that you wanted to have your own business? Because that's a whole new set of challenges.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

Yeah, I mean, I I could get into like the nuances of the whole trajectory, but bottom line was I always knew I wanted to have something on my own. I never knew what or how. I thought it was going to be an HR consulting because that was my whole career. Uh, and then what when it things really changed for me was when I did start having children. So, you know, it's a different story when you're working and you're just an adult or you're married or you're just you're doing your thing. When we started having kids is when I said, I I just gotta have control over my time. Like I can't, I can't be having to be somewhere at 8 a.m. every morning because like why? Like because we're on this like eight to five, nine to five structure. So I really started feeling that more strongly. And then, like many people, the C-word happened in 2020. Uh, and you know, COVID did change everything a lot for a lot of people, including me. So at that time, I I had a two-year-old and I was pregnant, and uh I was scared, and I was, you know, it was a scary time. I actually decided to like take a step back from work and have our baby safely in August of 2020. I named her Grace. I think that was a fitting name for the time. But um, so she she arrived in August of 2020, and then I was not working. So from that point, a few months after she was born, I was like, what am I gonna do now? And that's really when I was like, okay, I think I'm gonna start something, and then it kind of went from there. So um it definitely I've definitely built confidence in the past five years building my own company. But I just need to remind myself, I I always tell people this in networking, and everyone laughs, but um, I was a really great number two for many years, but I'm an even better number one now. Like I've learned so much being so close to leadership and decision making. Um, and I just need to remind myself of that. Like, I know I know I can do this, and I am doing it.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

So I love that you own that. I I literally just wrote a Substack about, you know, what's wrong with being confident, right? Demi Lovato said it and said it so well. And, you know, there's all this talk about imposter syndrome. And there's a lot of us out there that know, we know we've worked for it. We know we can do it. We don't have imposter syndrome. We're feeling confident in what we're doing. It doesn't mean every day goes smoothly and we don't recognize that we can't improve, but I I love that you own that. That, you know, I'm I'm good at what I'm doing, even even though I'm I'm learning along the way. So, what were some of the big mistakes that you maybe made in the beginning that you could help other mom entrepreneurs, you know, avoid? Did you get the flexible schedule that you thought? Did it solve all the problems you were hoping to solve? Um, or did you have some, you know, regrets even in any way, like, oh my gosh, you know, the income's not stable. What do I do? You know, what were what were the worries? So how did you deal with them?

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Yeah, I think I for me, I made the decision early on that I wanted to be a business owner and not an operator. So when I started my business, so my business is called the Social Gico, it's social media marketing agency. I brought people in right away because I didn't I didn't want to spend my days just pushing out content for 10 different business accounts. I could have, but I really didn't want to, I wanted to have, I wanted to be a business owner and not just create a job for myself. So I do think there's a difference. And so I think early on I I I brought on like my cousin was helping me. So I just, you know, you kind of just go to like your warm network of like who can help me get this thing off the ground. And then my sister-in-law helped me get my photos done and my branding done. And it was very like bootstrapping time, but I always kept that in mind. Like, I I want to make sure I'm delegating work out and not doing things that I shouldn't be doing. So I had learned that from all those years of doing things that I I didn't want to do anymore. So I did that, and I just think now, even a few years further in, I will tell I will say this building a business will expose more about a person, about yourself, than a lot of things, like becoming a mother for sure, growth, and you learn a lot about yourself. But building a business will like definitely make you have to face your your beliefs about money, about power, about like sales, all the things that have to do with business. And so I have been intentional about investing in personal and professional development and mindset work because there's no reason why we all can't build the businesses we want, but many times we're held back by our own, our own selves. So I don't that a mistake, I guess, like looking back a mistake-wise, is I like to scale sustainably and control. I can't always control how fast clients come in, which is a good problem to have. But I think it's just so a mistake would more or less like looking back, is just like thinking I could control more than I really can.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

You didn't say no to any clients, did you?

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Uh well now we say no to clients that aren't good fits, and so we're in a good place where we can be more choosy. And but yeah, no, I mean, I I think it's just again, it's been an evolution, but I also like the business has scaled probably fairly pretty quick and grown for the life of a business. We're pretty much a toddler or toddler or like a we're not a well long established business yet, but I do think the investment in the professional personal side of things helped me to scale faster and like collapse time versus struggle, like struggle busing it for like a year and a half. Like I was like, no, like I gotta figure this out fast.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

I I love how self-aware you are that you were intentional in the beginning that I'm gonna be an an owner, not just an operator, and that I'm gonna delegate all those things that I did because you watched others delegate to you all those years and you knew that you were handling it, you were picking up all the pieces for them so they looked great. You could find others to do that for you, but you have to pay people well generally to get them to really do a job like that that makes you and the company look good. And so, how challenging was it in the beginning? You've got this business, you have no clients. Maybe you have a couple referrals and a couple clients, and you wanted to control, so you didn't want to just start pouring all kinds of money in without, you know, into the business, without money coming out of the business through revenue. So, how did you delegate? How did you hire people? Did you get family and friends to work for no pay at first? Were you using outsource VAs? You know, what was what were some of the secrets to delegating without breaking the bank?

SPEAKER_00 16:16

Yeah. I I got the business to a good enough place. Like, so I to be clear, like I did start off by just doing everything myself. Like I was doing all the accounts, right? But I slowly, like, I slowly, like I said, my cousin got involved. And so I was like, hey, I can pay you this much for this account. Here's the hours. Like I had no, I had figured out here's how many hours this account takes. You know, so early on, I had already like I was pricing to where you know I knew I could make that investment in people again. Pricing and services and packages. I mean, let me tell you, back in when I started the business, I was doing like $300 a month contracts, and we're doing like $3K and up now, right? Like that's the floor 10 times. I we undervalue ourselves, and that's just like I think it's a woman thing, probably, because men don't blink at like sending out big contracts, right? As much as we might. So, yeah, I mean, I guess I just I just did the math, right? I mean, you just gotta be a smart businesswoman. Like, here's how much is coming in, here's how much I need to pay myself, here's how much I could afford to pay someone else. But also, I think that people that start businesses have like, I meet a lot of people that they think somehow you're not gonna have to invest money in your business, like you're not gonna have to spend money to make money. That is not true. You need structure, you need processes, you need software, you need a bookkeeper. Like businesses that don't have a bookkeeper, look uh like you gotta pay, you have got to invest in the things that will help you scale. So I've always been a little more loose and fast, like with strategic risk and like debt and spending money that's smart to grow. But you do have to, you do have to be willing to like make those moves, or else you'll you'll never be get out of where you're the stage you're in. So I feel like it's just was it was that, you know, it was just scaling smart, being smart. I do all the business development for the company, or I actually just brought on a person who's now doing it for me, which is a game changer because I was bottlenecking, like in current day, I was my own bottleneck on business development. Um, so yeah, I think it's just again, I think you gotta start somewhere. You gotta pay people good. Your people are your greatest assets, and you gotta take care of people. And I think if you do all those things, I think that's good juju. And I think that like you'll you'll get you'll attract clients, you'll attract the right team, that kind of thing. But you you can't be, you can't have a scarcity mindset at all.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

That's for sure. You have to know even if you're putting that investment in, it's it's gonna come back. Yes. And so I wonder about your safety net. So are you married? Does your husband work? Does he bring in a good income? Did you feel like if I don't work, which you didn't for a while in 2020, we'll be okay. We may not live at the same level, but we're not gonna lose the house. And do you think that allowed you to have a safety net where you could go and do this? Uh, you know, did you seek his support? Was he on board? And what if you hadn't been married? Do you think you still would have done this?

SPEAKER_00 19:45

Yeah, interesting questions. So my husband at the time when I started the business, he had a he were he was a federal government employee. Okay, so I'll just so I'll get to the part where we're at now. So yeah, he had a good job, benefits. I actually was working a part-time job when I launched my business, and so I did have income coming in as I was building. My business grew so much that I became unsist not sustainable to continue to have this part-time job, but I knew I could replace that income with this, so I pulled the band-aid off and went fully on my own. And I I have heard a statistic that if you have a job while you launch a business, you actually are more apt to be more successful because you're not like freaking out that you all have money coming in. Like you're you're building while you have some money, stable money coming in. So I made the leap, got rid of the part-time job, went all in. My husband's still working at this point. I whenever I do anything, I don't know about you, I assume you're the same way because we're Italians. I get, I mean, I'm passionate and I go all in. So I went all in on my business, and like that was it. That was the decision. I scaled it to a point where a year ago the government started to want to downsize. My husband just squeaked in 25 years. Um, he started working there when he was like 21. He's not like an elderly man because I tell people he's early retired, and they're like, What? He's not he's he's still in the late 40s, but he got 25 years in and we were able to make the decision that he was gonna early retire because I was like, we need to like protect your benefits and all the things that go along with what he has earned. And so he doesn't work right now, he's he's not working. We made the decision he was gonna early retire, so that was the beginning of this year. So we're all in on my like my business, our business. We're all in on this now. So I actually have a stay at home husband now, and he's the primary caretaker for the

SPEAKER_01 22:00

kids and so it's it's been a like that was a transition and i i i actually will say it's it's working like he's a secure person so it doesn't like bother him he's always supported my endeavors he's um yeah like he's just always supported what it was I wanted to do and he's he was around when all those jobs all that stuff was happening too so he like he saw like the whole thing like he's been around long enough to see the whole thing so yeah that's where we're at now so safety net is their I guess like the way I look at it is the safety net is like that I am building this business and it's gonna like sustain and putting those things into place that will protect the business and our livelihood and I have a team of five now so I I feel responsibility to them um and now my family so it is a weird it's kind of been a little bit of an odd interesting transition in the year for us wow and you started taking a step back you know like you said you were pregnant during COVID worried you know and that's when you started thinking about wanting to have control over your schedule so tell me about how you dealt with balancing your career and you're very ambitious I can tell and having children especially young children during those early years you know was that primary you know did you pretty much go to just doing projects and and part-time during those early years and and did that turn out to be what you wanted or did you feel like I'm I'm missing something and I want to jump more in and maybe that'll happen when the kids are in preschool or now it looks like your kids are probably around five and seven something like that. So they're in school anyway. So how how did you deal with childcare and the mom guilt and some of those other things?

SPEAKER_00 23:57

Yeah. So in the early years when the kids were like between the ages of like zero and one year, you know, my mom would be kind enough to help. And so like they never had to go anywhere in those early years.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Now Grace was a a COVID baby so she was home and the part-time job I mentioned was like a remote situation which I was so like lucky to have so I was home a lot with the kids working they're home I'm home um and then in 2021 because like Grace hadn't had a lot of like interaction right she like she was just home for so many months and so we did get her into like a little school thing at at our church and um but basically yeah I mean again back to kind of my husband in that situation he was kind of the sole breadwinner at that time I had a part-time job and doing the brunt of the work at home but I will say is like my husband like um he knows how to do everything I know how to do if that makes sense like we've always kind of just been a team regardless and so I always talk to people women still and I'm like can't your husband like have your husband do that like right like your partners and so um yeah so I think it was just like honestly I'm like trying to even think of specifics but you know it's when your kids are real young it's kind of a blur but like basically we made it work I had the remote job which was great I started the business I was able to kind of own what that looked like and then the kids were either kind of home or kind of in their like part-time school uh situation so you really made your whole career work for you at that time when when kids came along yes and you know when when you think about the kids and integrating with your husband and him taking on a lot of the role like you said you know splitting things half in half there's so much talk especially on LinkedIn from moms who say listen in our household if you look from the outside it seems like everything is equal right he's doing as much you know care for the kids and work around the house as I am it's split 50-50 but there's all these moms that say but the mental load I just feel like it's as 7525 at any given time if you ask him have the kids had a doctor appointment in the last year? I don't know I don't even know who their doctor is do you know their teacher's name you know do you know that it's pajama day on Friday? Now obviously right now he's the stay-at-home dad he's handling those things but how did you not fall into that trap it sounds like that so many other moms do where there's just things that the dad doesn't seem to know take on care about they're just not as important to him and the mom stresses about these things carries them around in her head it it causes her you know more anxiety and you know did you just share more? Did you just let go when he did things that you didn't really like like how did you not carry that extra mental load that I hear so many other moms do even when things seem split 50-50 yeah so my husband and I go have a great awesome marriage counselor we see her once a month for just like maintenance because like this is also a big transition and those things are real about like gender roles and how what like what women are good at versus what men are good at.

SPEAKER_00 27:41

And like let me tell you I've had to like our therapist her name's Rhea she you know she told me she's like you're gonna have to let stuff go like he's not gonna do it the way you're gonna do it especially like now swapping fully he's not he might not do the dishes the way you like he might not do everything is not going to be how you would but you're gonna have to let that go and let him find his own way in this so and as far as the mental load goes I've tried to just like obtain peace around the fact that like I women are just better at it. Women can multitask men are very like focused on one thing at a time now some of the workaround for me has been giving my husband specific to do's like hey it here like here's um the field like the field trip form can you fill this out get the money out and send it in like specific asks like because at the end of the day like I like a little control. So like I I like looking at the the family calendar I I'm dialed into that but we did have the conversation that if you're the primary at home like even the kids school you need to be listed number one now at for the call because I'm in meetings and I'm like out and I'm and so like we've had that that discussion of I do need you to take the lead a bit more on school stuff like checking the Friday folder like but we I like ask him to do things specifically like not just like oh can you handle it it's like I need you to check the Friday folder I need you to put these clothes you know whatever it is and so like we're still working through it it's not perfect and I will say like kids behave a certain way with mom than they do with dad and like they they learn that really young of like how to play each other. So we we try and stay united front and I guess that's all I'll say is like a have you asked your husband to help and if so have you given him specific things or are you just like I need more help that's they don't know like no offense but they don't know what to do. They don't know what that means and if you have a good husband he's gonna want you to be happy so I I've just found success in specis specificity being specific and also it's not what you say it's how you say it. Like hey can you like get these dishes done today that would be great like it's just like and he I'm like it's just kind of bugging me and stressing me out okay cool versus other ways you could say that um haven't you done the dishes yet the sink's overflowing yes yeah or like and again wrong way to say it right Diane we're Italians okay no I we're explosive so I try and let my little fuse out over time versus the volcano that can happen but again these are things that we're working on and like continue to work on and I will say like many marriages like we we just had 10 years this year like years six seven were like not good like it was a struggle like the young kids the launching of business the I mean just the state of the world the past you know our whole like courtship and marriage has been like a lot of crazy stuff happening in the world even so we're continuing to work on it and I think that's all you can do. But like I just I think women just need to on some level just like accept like we try and make men like my the our therapist said Mary it sounds like you want to be married to a woman and I'm like oh maybe I do no I was like when they're taking care of tasks right you're describing what you're describing is not how men are so I really love her. She's really real about it and it has helped to kind of not make me so mad because men men are very different than women and I think the problem is is that we expect them to be like us and they're just not going to be I I love that this is an ongoing maintenance situation in your in your life in your marriage.

SPEAKER_01 31:57

I think some people hear marriage counselor and they think that's one step before you know a split or something but no you know this has become for your marriage just a you know a a maintenance check right just like some people go to a therapist for their mental health you know ongoing for years or their their whole life. So as you've made this transition and he's now the primary parent and you are all in I can tell like you said you are passionate and that you everything you've said about Italians 100% true right um but you know being a parent you can't help as a mom to kind of want to be all in even if you know like I've delegated this. So are you dealing with any mom guilt? How are you you know adjusting in your own brain to not just instantly react and go whoops that's not my role and you know do you find the kids going to dad help me with this and are you getting little pangs of oh they're not I'm not the one they go to anymore like has any of that happened or are you like nope it's it you know I'm good with everything yeah I mean I don't I haven't felt a lot like I think it's more weird for me to be out all day like especially at summer break right so the kids are home so I think it's more interesting to me like I'll be out and I'm very like open with the kids of like what I do what mommy does like work and how work like work is money and money is how we pay for like they're learning how what it all means.

SPEAKER_00 33:34

So I honestly feel like at this point you know there's way worse things to for kids to see than a mom that's working and having a dad at home. If anything I feel like we're really blessed that there is a parent at home and I will say having one parent at home like when the kids get sick or have a phantom fever that comes out of nowhere the stress level that we don't no longer have to deal with like who's gonna do what what like how are we going to do this where it's just like I will say if anyone is able to do it and have a parent primarily be at home it's so worth it understanding that that's really hard for a lot of people too but um so I don't know I've never really felt like oh like am I missing things because also having a business allows me to be at the kids' Christmas parties and volunteer for things. So if anything I feel like really really happy of the situation we have right now that I can I do have the ability to pull back and back to the whole business owner thing is I have a team now and frankly as a business owner I want to I I want to be able to take my trips with my family and know that things are handled. But you got to get your business to that point where it can operate without you. So I think that's the other thing is people working like 80 hour weeks it's like that that was never how I was going to build this business is off of time because like I have kids. So yeah and I will add one last thing is my grandma my mom's mom is 100% Sicilian okay so and she owned a business in the 60s and 70s in Detroit so I grew up with very strong women role model like my grandma specifically where I it's never felt weird to me to be like like our situation now a lot of people are like wow like how's your husband feel about it and I'm like he actually loves not working and is like fine with it and I'm actually fine doing what I'm doing because like I think it's just who I am so I think that that's at least for us at least I mean you have to really want to you have to really be a certain type of person to be an entrepreneur. And I think a lot of people get into it and it's probably it's not just it's not for them and that's fine.

SPEAKER_01 36:02

You kind of have to have a level of like um I don't know delude like delusion some delusion you have to have a lot of optimism that it's gonna work out and you have to not be risk averse. You have to know that it's gonna be up and down and and not you know and and not just value security over everything else because it's not stable and secure even when it seems like it you know and it's different than being a leader in an organization running your own. And you know it reminds me of so many posts I see when women are talking about you know this man is getting all these accolades for all these wonderful things he's achieved and how big he built his business. And it wouldn't have been possible without his stay-at-home wife behind him you know kind of running everything as well as his executive administrative assistant and everybody else. But you now have someone helping to prop you up not not prop you up but you know what I'm saying to to be there to pick up the the slack and not have to have anxiety and worry about when things don't go as planned in your personal life because somebody else is is already there to step in. And I think that's a beautiful thing. It can go both ways and there's nothing wrong with either way but you recognize this value that he's bringing to the relationship and that's allowing you to be in a position. And I think that's what women get frustrated about sometimes is they feel like that woman in the background is not getting the true um recognition for the value she has brought that allow that person to rise up. But you being a woman sort of know the value that he's bringing and how you're doing it together, even if he's not part of the business or working on the business, he's helping the business to succeed as well. So I I just love all the great self-awareness you have and all the things that you've shared that are going to help others in terms of knowing whether you know having a business is is right for them or not because it sounds great. I want to be a business owner and have my own business but it's a totally different set of challenges than being in the working world and working for someone else. And so I want to ask one final question because you've been through so much and you've experienced so many different changes. If you could go back to an earlier version of you and you knew then what you know now what's one thing that you would change I mean to do with myself and I think that's your career.

SPEAKER_00 38:43

Yeah your career mostly but or yourself I mean I guess for me for me I I would change um I'm 43 now in my 30s I would change I would change like all the worry I did. Like I would change like you know even in all these job transitions that we talked about earlier it was very stressful for me. And I think that had to do with a I mean a it's fine it was stressful but B, I think like the turmoil it caused me and at the end of the day I wish I would have taken less things personally like I think I just I I am a classic like oldest daughter you know type person and I wrapped a lot of my worth into achievement and when things didn't work out I took it like it was me. And now being older I realize like it it's not it's not about you. Like and most people aren't even thinking about you they're thinking about themselves. So I guess I would I don't know that I would change much to do with my career to trajectory because it's like led me to where I am now and I just feel really you know I think all of like the story itself I resonates like I'm here talking to you about this story. You know I've talked to other you know been on some other podcasts and and shared the story too and I hope people can just gain some things out of it and be a little easier on themselves and you know it's not about perfection and realize that you can you can have the risk of having your own business or but like what is guaranteed in life like you could work for a company and they'll lay you off tomorrow and they don't care. So I think it's just like where do you want to put your risk and your effort and not take things so personally. So I think yeah I don't I don't know that I changed the career I think I think the hardships taught me what I needed to know at that time and if anything I just wish I would have just just enjoyed like not stress so much. So that's what I'm trying to do now is I'm just are things stressful? Yeah but am I more grounded and have a regulated nervous system more now? Yeah and I think I want to keep that going.

SPEAKER_01 41:01

You've done the work you talked about putting in the effort to work on mindset and leadership skills as part of building your business. And so that's all a part of it too. And so that's beautiful that you recognize you know how far you've come and sharing with others you know that they could get there sooner, right? If if they you know do some of that work and just take a step back sometimes like you said and not take it ASO personally. I really appreciate all the insights that you revealed on today's episode of Women at Work. If you were inspired by today's story remember to share it with a friend leave a review and subscribe to meet our next amazing guest. If you or anyone you know is struggling to find the right childcare just submit your criteria and then watch a video interview with the ideal nanny who fits your family at momsub.com that's momsub like a substitute mom. Our mission is for you to get the help you need so you can discover what you want in life pursue it with intensity and fulfill your dream reducing your stress guilt and self-criticism and increasing your calm confidence and clarity along the way remember your career your choices and your success are yours to define. So keep pushing boundaries and spreading your love and encouragement to other women who need it