65: Breaking Free From Other People's Expectations | Women and Work

Trying to live up to everyone else's expectations can lead you down a path that doesn't truly belong to you.

For Mariaelena Morales, years of striving for perfection were rooted in a childhood where she never felt like she was enough. That drive pushed her to achieve prestigious milestones and pour everything into her career, only to eventually face burnout and realize she had been living according to other people's expectations instead of her own.

Today, as the Founder of Mariaelena Marketing, she shares how emotional trauma, burnout, autism, and redefining family helped her reclaim her life and career on her own terms.

In this episode, Mariaelena discusses:
• Growing up feeling like nothing was ever good enough
• The pressure of perfectionism and achievement
• Experiencing career and personal burnout
• Receiving an autism diagnosis as an adult
• Building a chosen family and support system
• Learning to set boundaries and advocate for herself
• Leaving corporate life to launch her own business

How have other people's expectations influenced the choices you've made in your career or life?

Struggling to find the right child care? Get a video interview of your ideal nanny at https://www.momsub.com/child-care-options

#WomenAndWork #CareerGrowth #BurnoutRecovery #WomenInBusiness #PersonalGrowth

Transcript

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SPEAKER_02 0:00

I grew up in uh in a pretty difficult family, and I grew up with a lot of emotional abuse where I was never enough. Nothing I ever did was great. And I mean like Ivy League degrees, like just you know, good grades, like did everything. Not necessarily because I wanted to do it, but because I felt like that's what was expected of me. And so then you go to jobs, and I'm the person, and and people will say that this is a positive right, and for so many years it was like a point of pride. Um, and then burnout happened. But people were like, you know, you you um underpromise and over-deliver. You, you know, will go. I always told people I'm the person that will go 150 miles an hour at work. From nine to five, I am giving you everything I got. I made a lot of decisions, especially early on, um, based on what I thought that I should do, or what somebody else was telling me I should do. And I actually think that I would have maybe been a lot happier if I made a lot of decisions when you're 18, you know, 25 years old, based on what I want and what feels right to me, not so much what I think the world is gonna expect of me.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Welcome to Women and Work, the show where we take an inside look at how women are overcoming our own unique challenges as we grow our careers or build a business while nurturing relationships and family. I'm Diane Mocha, founder and CEO of MomSub, the childcare app that connects you to a substitute mom. And I want you to know that work can fit your life. Each week we meet a woman who has done that. Today I'm with Mary Elena Morales. She launched her own marketing company last year after working in the field for 14 years. She's done marketing for a wide variety of industries, from events to recruiting. She led communications for multiple theater companies and moved up several levels from associate to manager for an international travel company. Thanks for being here, Mary Elena.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

So I see that you got your undergraduate degree in theater, and then you worked in that field before getting your degree in master's in marketing. So theater can be a tricky field for many people to work in, especially women, because people in that industry are judged based on appearance or even style if you're not necessarily on the stage, you know, that whole way you put yourself together. And I wonder if that presented some challenges to you that affected your career, and specifically what you think the biggest challenge in your career was because you are a woman, whether that was in theater or marketing.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

Well, uh, there's a lot there. Um, so I there's there's a really important clarification I want to make. I actually I got my undergraduate degree in history, and my um my first master's was in theater. Uh but when I even within that history degree, my thesis was on theater. There was always this interest. I wanted to be part of that industry and part of that community. Um one of the biggest challenges in starting to work in the theater industry was actually that I was coming into it a bit later. So many people really start, you know, very young and they start, you know, they're on stage, and then maybe they start working behind the scenes, et cetera. And I was coming at it a little bit later. So I felt like I had a bit more to prove. So there's that challenge, number one. Um, then uh I really started working uh primarily in audience services. So you are in this kind of caregiving role, right? Um it's, you know, you have to be, I don't want to say necessarily placating, but you do have to be serving an audience constantly. So there are those expectations that you are going to show up in a particular way and present yourself in a particular way. Um you, you know, have to handle the, you know, difficult patrons sometimes, right? Um, and uh, and as we know, sometimes being in those customer service roles, not not the most fun. Uh so there was that challenge. Um I have a very strong personality. Uh I'm a very direct person. Uh I can, I'm very good at customer service, I'm very good in those audience services, but I also have those boundaries where, you know, uh it made those, it made sometimes those difficult situations a little bit harder when people were just expecting that they were gonna be able to walk all over me. And I was saying, no, no, there are rules, right? And I can't break it for you, right? Like I can't let you into the show 30 minutes late and walking all over people and distracting the actors, right? Like this is an experience and it's not just for you, right? And so sometimes having to be the one setting that line when you're there at 8 p.m. and there's no other admin staff, right? And you are a young woman, you are petite, right? Um so and I I've always looked a lot younger than I am. So there is then that expectation of people are gonna be able to walk all over you. And when you start showing backbone, then it's, you know, as women, we're told, no, no, right, you are difficult or you are abrasive, right? They would never say this about, you know, a man, even a young man. Um, so that so I think that was the hardest challenge. Um as a woman. Another related one is, and I think a lot of women deal with this. Um, when I started working, it was also when we started getting smartphones, and you could start having work emails on your phone, and I was in a customer support role, and so you don't want to, you know, you see an email come in from an upset customer at 10 p.m. or from your boss at like 3 p.m. on a Saturday, and you want to respond. And so you lose that work-life balance very quickly. It took me years to get that back. And now when I'm working with, you know, younger people, not just women, but I and I see them start to break those boundaries early in their career, I tell them, hold on to that because it's very easy for those boundaries to disappear. You will spend years trying to claw that time back and be able to set those boundaries again for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

Do you think that yourself as a woman and other women have a tendency to not draw those boundaries because we grow up with that expectation that we're nurturing, that we're always helpful, that we're always there, that we're kind, that we're, you know, that we're supposed to be, you know, the perfect sometimes. You know, I don't hear that as much about perfectionism from men as I do from women.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

Yeah, and I think there is um, I think gender plays a big part in it, for sure, right? Um and women, and I'm I'm not a mom. I am a very proud, happy auntie. Um but but yeah, we are expected to be, you know, sort of dutiful and and doting and caring. And if, you know, if disaster strikes, we're supposed to just pick everyone up and figure it out, right? Um there's a there's a cultural aspect too, right? I come from I'm Puerto Rican, I, you know, from the island. So I come from that culture where, yes, like the women are the caregivers, right? My mother was a stay-at-home mom. Um, so yeah, so you grow up with, yes, like men do a lot. I'm not saying they don't. Um, and especially nowadays, like um I see a lot more uh men being part of like the home responsibilities and caregiving, and that's lovely, but women still have this like centuries-old, like sort of inherited um cultural feeling that we are supposed to be the caregivers. I think for me, that sense of perfectionism also is um I grew up in uh in a pretty difficult family, and I grew up with a lot of emotional abuse where I was never enough. Nothing I ever did was right, right? And I mean like Ivy League degrees, like you know, good grades, like did everything, not necessarily because I wanted to do it, but because I felt like that's what was expected of me. And so then you go to jobs and I'm the person, and and people will say that this is a positive right, and for so many years it was like a point of pride. Um, and then burnout happened. But people were like, you know, you you um underpromise and over-deliver. You, you know, will go. I always told people I'm the person that will go 150 miles an hour at work. From nine to five, I am giving you everything I got. At five, I'm leaving, though, right? Eventually I got there and I said, I'm leaving, but I will I will absolutely leave it all on the line when I am here at work. And a lot of that comes from like work for me was the one place where I knew what I was doing. And I knew that what I was doing was right and that I was what I was doing was good. And no matter what else I was facing and what else I was being told in my personal life, that became a real point of pride for me of I can show up here and no one can touch this. Like I know that this is where I where I'm secure.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

So who was putting on these unrealistic burdens? Was it both parents? Was it extended family? Yeah, was it just you? Was this a culture for all of your siblings? You know, just me. Just you. Were you the oldest? Were you the smartest? Were you the one that they thought was gonna, I don't know, lift them out of something? Why, why do you think what was this?

SPEAKER_02 9:32

I have a I have a different personality from a lot of very direct, you say. Yeah, I am very direct. Um, I I did I never had the same like sense of humor. I never had the same sensibilities, maybe. Um, I didn't look like a lot of them. Um like your family members. Uh this is one side of the family. I look a lot like my dad's side of the family. I spent most of my time with my mom's side of the family. So they're very different. So um I they are very, very thin. I was not very, very thin. Uh, you know, um, I was, you know, louder, I was more blunt, right? So I didn't necessarily fit those stereotypes. Um, I wasn't necessarily like worried, you know, super worried about clothes and you know, makeup and how I looked and you know, primping and prening and all that stuff. Um, I was a little bit more of a tomboy. And so all of those things I think um uh contributed to that. It actually wasn't until I was about 30 that I started to get some answers where um I was actually diagnosed as autistic at 30. Yeah. I think 30, 31. Yeah, but it was as an adult, which is a very difficult process. And then suddenly like your entire life sort of get to recontextualize because it was always like, yes, I was different, but what really was hard for me was that nobody ever stopped to ask why. It was always just you're different and that's wrong, as opposed to who you are. Um, so so now I actually family is incredibly important to me, but my definition of family is very different. And so now I have a chosen family, and there are people who we are all very different. We don't always get along, we don't always have the same opinions, we sometimes upset each other, like I think a normal family uh would. But it's this unconditional sense of, oh, that's that's just who you are, right? And we're just gonna take time to understand that and learn and maybe do it better next time, and we're all just gonna make room for each other and everything that we learn about each other. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

Wow, that's a lot. And your chosen family are they not biologically related and are they connected to your career? Did you find this chosen family through your work and your career endeavors and those kinds of pursuits? And explain that for others who may be listening who may be in a similar situation.

SPEAKER_02 11:59

So I have one, uh I always say, so it's a chosen family, they're the best family, because I did handpick them all myself. Uh they are uh one of them I am related to, uh, my cousin who still lives back on the island. Um, and and there's been that struggle, right? Of she is still very close to them, and all of my relatives are still very much her family. So we have had to navigate that. Um, but we're in a really good place with that now. Um the rest of my family, yeah, mostly um the majority actually, now that you mention it, did come through a professional connection. Um I, you know, I've got these um two, you know, they're we're not related, so they are technically friends, but um, but I call them, you know, my my, I call them the the little brother I always wanted and the big brother I never asked for, um uh, which makes them really happy. Uh but the little brother I met, he was an actor at one of the theaters I worked at, and we just connected and, you know, be, you know, built that relationship over time. And the big brother is actually his best friend, uh, you know, who I also got met and got to know. Um there are people who uh I'm very close with now, and they are, you know, I have basically a sister, uh, and I met her through mutual friend. I'm not even close with that person anymore, but she and I connected, and over time, it's just these genuine connections that you make, right? Um, and and part of how my autism shows up is I hate small talk. As I think you know, right? We met last week and we had this very in-depth conversation. And so when I meet people and I can have that really genuine conversation with them and that genuine connection, um, it doesn't always work out. There are people I thought were gonna become part of the chosen family that didn't, and and we're there was no fallout, right? But but that connection just didn't quite mesh. And then there are just people that you know, oh, you know, I I am sick or I, you know, you need to have surgery, and somebody will like fly in from four states away, right? In the same way that you would expect family to drop everything and be here. There are those people that for years, um, and some I met in school, right? Some I met through MFA uh programs or, you know, my marketing degree. Um, but yeah, some uh uh quite a few of them have just come through either an academic or a professional connection that just grew deeper.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

Interesting, because so many people struggle to integrate family that they have over here and career, but you used career to build a family village that you felt was missing, you know, the right kind of supportive family village that was missing. And you say that you're an auntie, so you have interactions with kids. Was there any part of your career or upbringing that made you decide I don't want kids, or is it just the phase you're in in life or the people that you've met or not met? You know, is this a conscious decision?

SPEAKER_02 14:53

It it I think it's a little bit of both. It I think it became a conscious decision eventually. Um, but there was all there was always this feeling. I grew up knowing that there is no guarantee that if you have a kid, you will love that kid. Because I was one of those people. I was a kid who did not feel like I was necessarily like, you know, loved or wanted or accepted. Um, and so I just knew that that if I had a kid, there was no guarantee. And I just thought I can't ever put somebody through that. I don't I don't want to do that, and I don't want to be in that situation where I have a kid and and I feel that, you know. So so eventually I think that feeling was always there. And again, like you it does have to become a conscious choice when you're a woman because we are just kind of raised and expected like you're gonna be a mom. That's just like that's like the career trajectory for every woman. I mean, you know, like you're born thinking that. I one of my favorite stories is um there was this, I, you know, again, uh part of the you know, extended chosen family. Um, there was uh this uh little girl. She's delightful, she's now not so little, but when she was about seven, um, she asked me if I had kids because she never saw me with kids, but all the other women she saw around her mom's age all had kids. And I said, no. And in her very seven-year-old way, she just goes, Why? And her dad is mortified, right? Because you don't, because as adults, we know, like we don't ask. And he was like, No, you we don't ask that. And I said, No, it's like it, I get it. You you shouldn't ask that. But also for me, it's fine. I said, it's it's not, it's it was my own personal decision. And I said, you know, one day when you are older, you get to make that decision, right? And you can decide to have them or decide not to have them. For me, it was it started off as I don't, I don't, it came from that emotional place of I don't ever want to live through that on the other side of it or put someone else through that. And then I just like really started building a life for myself that is actually quite independent. I I love traveling by myself. I like the fact that I can make decisions for myself. I'm single and I don't have kids and I don't have pets. So so it really is this this life where if I don't want to do anything on a particular day, I just don't. And you know, the only person that is, you know, really depending on me at that point is me. You know, at the larger scale, yes, you know, there are there are kids, you know, that want to spend time with me, which to me is a that was one of the that's one of the most moving things for me is that there are kids that see me and get really happy to see me and that they want to spend time with me and they're constantly asking, you know, are are you know, when are you coming for a sleepover? Or when can I sleep over at your house? And for me, the biggest what I really work for is to make sure that I am there for them in that way, um, because it's not ever something that I've really known is family actually wanting to spend time with me. So the fact that there are these kids that see me as somebody that is a safe space, um that that to me is that's the biggest success.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

Wow. And you have all these successes you've had in your career. And I wonder if your career trajectory was influenced by this idea of I'm going to separate myself from family, I'm gonna dive into career, it's gonna be my whole life, you know, nonstop, day and night, right? Give it 150%, like you said, and how your career evolved as a result of you knowing more and more this is what's important to me. And then you said you hit burnout. So obviously, even if you don't have children, you have to have a personal life. You like to travel, you like to do these other things. So most people think of burnout as something that happens, you know, when the mom, you know, the working mom's trying to juggle the career and the kids. Yeah, marriage, right? But you so and you're not married. So so you are independent and you hit burnout. How did that happen? How did how did your career, you know, get to that point as a result of some of these things that happened in your past?

SPEAKER_02 18:58

It was career burnout and it was also personal burnout. And I think those two things, um, I think it's really important for for people to know, and especially for women to know, that those two things are not separate. As much as I was like, I actually I love going into an office. Like, I know that that's a not a popular view right now, but I actually, it's one of the things that I that I miss now about being freelance is that structure of you go to an office and there's this commute where you can like ease into your day, right? And um, I had this job, it was an hour-long commute, and I would leave the office and I would say, I you have the hour on this commute, on this train, this bus, whatever, to stew about whatever happened. But the minute you walk through that door, it's done, right? And so I had a very clear division between work and life, um, in terms of how you spend your time. But there is no like we're we're one person. So there is no way to actually fully separate the effect and like the toll that it has on you, right? If you're going through something personally, physically, emotionally, it's going to impact work. If work is really difficult, it's gonna impact your day, right? So it really started around COVID. I worked for a student travel company. Travel was disrupted, education was disrupted, so it was just coming at us from everywhere. We're dealing with parents, parents who are dealing with like money issues, right? So many people were unemployed, um, you know, figuring out refunds, et cetera. It was, you know, the comments coming in on social media, and as being the marketing person, like you're the one suddenly getting this like barrage, right? Um, of what are really customer support issues. And I did that for about a year, year and a half. And the the toll was terrible. We were also going through a corporate buyout. So then, like, there's that, right? On top of just like your work is hard, there's also this whole new company, this this whole new um, you know, uh culture that you have to deal with. When companies get bought out and merge, you lose friends, right? People leave. On top of that, COVID. Um, so it was a lot. Uh and then I think it's really important and for for people, you know, and I and I do think that one of the great things that have has happened since COVID is um we talk a lot more about mental health. Um, and it's talked a lot more about at work, but I think it it I think needs to be said all the time that what happens at work can impact us um, you know, mentally and emotionally, and and what's happening in our personal life, uh, you know, compounds. Um, and right before COVID, I was actually diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome. So my my threshold for burnout now is a lot lower, right? And it has taught me to sort of know what I'm up against day to day and on a given week. But the burnout after COVID was or the burnout during COVID was really hard. Something that I actually realized when we went into lockdown is how overscheduled I'd become. Back to that sense, right? Of women, like, I say yes, I would say yes to everything. I actually had to, and this is a great tip for anybody listening out there that's trying to figure out how to get some time back. We fall into this trap of um, if we see an open spot on that calendar, we think the spot is available. And so we fill it. And I actually had to physically start blocking off my own me time as a reminder to myself, no, when somebody would say, Are you free on Tuesday? I wouldn't say, like, oh yeah, I'm not doing anything. Ergo, I am free. I would actually start telling people, no, I can't, like, mm-mm, we're gonna look at two weeks out, maybe, right? Because it doesn't, it's not all urgent. It doesn't have to all be done this week. You don't have to be there for everybody all of the time. And so one of the best things was actually that lockdown just like cleared my entire schedule. And it then, you know, reopening was hard. Having those things come back into your calendar, especially because I was at a point where I couldn't schedule myself the same way, right? Because uh my body just couldn't support that anymore. Um, and I think also honestly, being uh being diagnosed with autism help has helped because I know my own boundaries. Before I would just there was there's a social burnout that happens. I think people call it autistic burnout. Um, because socially and like all the stimulation gets really, really hard and draining. And because I'm so outgoing, because I'm so, you know, loud and direct, I just kind of always assumed that I had to be outgoing, that I had to be extroverted. You know, we assume that extroversion means social and loud. Uh, it doesn't. It just means that that's where you get your energy from. But I get my energy actually from being alone and just from having like my own quiet space. Uh and so it took me a really long time to realize oh, actually pushing myself to be so social. And I have a job where I'm in so such constant, you know, connection with other people, it took me a really long time to realize I can't actually do that outside of work, too, you know? And so then I started to learn certain things about myself. For example, I can't socialize on Friday nights. If I have been talking to people all week long, the last thing you want to do is invite me out for dinner and drinks on Friday when I have absolutely nothing left in the tank. It's gonna be miserable for me, it's gonna be miserable for you, and then it's gonna take me about a week to recover. So I've really had to like, I had to learn that about myself. And then I had to do what's really, really hard. Um, and I have a lot of I have a friend who actually just sent me a letter and said, You have given me strength I didn't know I had, just from seeing how you advocate for your own boundaries, is I have had to go to people and say, it this is not personal. I would love to hang out with you at a different time. I cannot do this, you know. This is it, you know, I had a friend who made it his mission to take me out of my comfort zone. And I was like, I don't think you understand everything is out of my comfort zone. So I it's lovely, but we also need to pick our moments and our battles because I also need time to recover, whereas you recover by being with people, right? So there's just this, you know, just very long story short, there's there is a lot of burnout that happens from work. There's burnout that I think we and I think we're we're far more attuned to the work burnout. It's easier to recognize when work is stressful. It's easier to recognize when you're snapping at people in the office. It's easier to recognize when you're skipping all your lunches or you're working late. Um, you know, and it's easier to recognize when that's bleeding into your home life. It is a lot harder to recognize when the burnout is happening from the home life. Right? It's a lot harder to recognize, oh, actually, I'm really, really miserable. And I'm hanging out with people I love, and this is making me miserable. Like something is wrong, you know, there's a problem here. Um, or at least something's going on, right? And that's actually what led me to be evaluated and diagnosed is I spent a summer hanging out with people that I absolutely love. And I and I was shaking the whole time and miserably just and it was too much. And that's what led me to realize like, this isn't this is not the experience I should be getting from people that I like, that I actually choose to be around and that I want to be around. And I think that burnout is a lot harder to, as women, especially, to recognize because nobody wants to admit like being around my kids or my husband or my friends, right, is is too much.

SPEAKER_00 26:28

Wow. That you've got so much self-awareness from everything that you've gone through. And I wonder if this new move to have your own business, right? Your LinkedIn profile shows last year, near the end of last year, you launched your own business and you're no longer listing that you're working for somebody, although you have clients, of course. But was this intentional, something you planned a lot? Did you, you know, end up losing or leaving a position and just decided to try it? How did that happen and how has that helped you with all the things that you've been describing today?

SPEAKER_02 27:00

So I uh I left my old position um last August. I did not actually start my own um firm until this spring. And I left, I made a very conscious decision um to just take time to figure out what the next step was, uh, which is scary, uh, you know, and daunting, uh especially, you know, as a single woman, right? Like there's no safety net, there is no second income coming. Um but but knowing um I had been moving from like job to job to job, trying to, you know, get away from the burnout, right? You think that their burnout is is here, and so I just need to go somewhere else. And you just take the first lifeboat that comes, but you actually haven't resolved any of the burnout, right? So it just kept building and compounding, and it got to a point where I just knew I was not in the right place. Um, and I did not want to just go to the next place. Uh, I wanted to take time and really, a heal a little bit and or try to heal a little bit, and then really figure out where do I want to go? And in that searching, uh, I realized that the hardest, you know, the scariest thing that I was up against in a job search was that there's really no way to tell what company culture you're walking into. And that to me was paralyzing. Um, especially because like you grow up with emotional trauma, like it's it's kind of always there. And so a toxic work environment hits me a little differently uh because I put so much emphasis on having work be the safe space, right? Um, so when work is not the safe space, everything else just kind of crumbles, right? And I really would I just went to myself and I said, you know, I've been in in situations that, and I'm not calling out any, you know, employer, they these are not bad places to work at. For me, they were not good places, right? Um, because of who I am, um, my background. And I thought I've now been in like five different places in five different years that just are not a good fit. I cannot handle a sixth one. Like I was like, if I go into another place, it will absolutely break me, right? So I was really taking some time and I talked with someone who said, you know, you actually the marketing, a hiring market right now is just is very it swings every few years, but right now it's very focused on everybody's looking for, you need to have all your experience in this one industry. Like everybody's looking for those immediate results, right? Come in and just know the job immediately and do exactly what you've done everywhere else here. And I'm the opposite. You mentioned it at the beginning, right? Like I've worked in so many different industries, I don't have that. And so it was just becoming also this very demoralizing job search. And I had um, I had a great conversation with a former professor who said, you know, have you ever considered going freelance? And I said, No. Um, I mean, like I've thought about it, but then I really like knowing where my paycheck is coming from, like the security of it, right? When everything else feels so up in the air, job security is phenomenal. And um, and I thought, he said, you know, if you've been in so many different industries, any client would really benefit from you being able to have this breadth of experience that you can pull from, right? You can try things that maybe they haven't considered because they're so focused on where they are. Um, and he said, if your biggest concern right now is culture, being your own boss and setting your own culture is the perfect solution to that, right? Um, and I thought, well, you know, the the only thing that's kept me from doing it is the job security and the, you know, financial stability. I said, but right now, I don't have a paycheck, you know, and I will say, like, I realize this is a lot of privilege because I am single and and don't have kids. So my and I, you know, don't own a home, I just own my car. Uh, but I was able to save quite a bit so that I did have that freedom to say, I'm gonna leave this job, and I can take a year to figure out what the next step is and to start working towards that. So I also realized that not everybody is in that position. Um, it was still terrifying, right? And it's still a stressful thing because, you know, at the end of the year, what do you do? Um, but it really that was the first time that I started thinking maybe this is the time to try, right? Like if if not now, when? Yes. And then I have a great mentor who had been helping me through the job search and helping me figure out what I wanted next. And when I told him, you know, so somebody suggested that I do this thing, and I don't know. And at that point, I mean, I'm I'm so burnt out, right? And uh, and I could like barely string words together. And he got so excited because he thought, I really think that it's the right move for you. But he said, I didn't want to say it. Like I wanted you to get here. And so, and he really helped me, and he still helps me, you know, um, start my business and and grow my business. So it is really nice. And he's he's become now part of, you know, the chosen family. So really um just having that network. Um, and I don't mean network in like the like LinkedIn way, but like, but having that like support system for somebody who like you think you're doing it all alone, right? And in many ways you are, right? I go through life, I'm going through life alone. I don't have relatives to count on, like I have a great chosen family, but it's still not the same thing. Um and so and you become very self-sufficient and you become very independent and you don't want to ask for help, right? And it's very hard to ask for help because you've never grown up being able to ask for help or to think that you were gonna get help. Yeah. So to just have people offer the help and just be there to support is um that was that was unexpected. And I that that made the decision. And listen, it might still not work out, right? In a year, I might um I might not be doing this solo and I may be back with a company, but I never thought, you know, if you told me 20 years ago when when I was starting my career that that I would one day be in business for myself, I never would have thought it.

SPEAKER_00 33:33

Well, congrats for taking taking the leap. You know, all these things that you done that you've done. I want to know if you could look back to an earlier time, knowing then what you know now. What's one thing if you could describe quickly that you would change and why?

SPEAKER_02 33:50

Um I think I I would not have tried so hard to hit other people's expectations. I think it would have taken a little bit more time to to at least give give myself that room to admit that what I wanted was okay, right? I made a lot of decisions, especially early on, um, based on what I thought that I should do or what somebody else was telling me I should do. And I actually think that I would have maybe been a lot happier. Maybe the the it wouldn't have changed anything in the long run, but um in terms of the you know benchmarks you hit. But I think that I would have maybe just been a lot happier if I made a lot of decisions when you're 18 or, you know, 25 years old, based on what I want and what feels right to me, not so much what I think the world is gonna expect of me.

SPEAKER_00 34:52

Thank you for sharing everything that you shared today, including the emotion that you shared today, you know, really letting people know who may be struggling with some of those same things that they're not the only one. And we thank you for watching today's episode of Women in Work. If you were inspired by today's story, remember to share it with a friend, leave a review, or subscribe to meet our next amazing guest. If you or anyone you know is seeking childcare, you can go to momsub.com, that's momsublike a substitute mom, and share the needs that you have for childcare, and we will give you a video interview of the match that's going to fit your needs. Now remember that your career, your choices are yours to define. And we want you to spread your love and encouragement to other women who need it.